This episode/post heavily discusses and describes topics of suicide. Please listen/read with care. If you're currently struggling, help is available. Please call the national suicide prevention hotline at 800-273-8255. You matter.

Shane’s childhood

Shane Cheetham was born on June 12, 1975. He was the oldest of three siblings. His younger brother Chris and baby sister Angela would come along in 1978 and 1981. He grew up with his siblings between South Carolina and Maine.

One of his sister’s earliest memories was of Shane walking her or taking her on his bike to her Brownie meetings with the Girl Scouts. She remembered the sounds of the Maine coast living in Harpswell. She remembered Shane as a survivalist and a lover of nature from an early age.

Shane was 6 years older than his sister, Angela, and he naturally assumed the role of big brother, pitching in to help, getting her ready for school and looking after her.

He and his younger brother, Chris, were only 3 years apart, and had contrasting personalities. He was Mr. Clean but Chris’s half of the room was a pig sty. Shane drew a line in the sand.

Though Shane valued order, cleanliness - things associated with right brain thinking - he also had artistic interests that didn’t fit into the traditional mold. His mom, Marianne, remembered him attending art school and being subjected to years of guitar and Metallica riffs. His sister, Angela, remembered him loving home economics because he enjoyed cooking.

Shane had a small group of close friends to whom he was loyal. He was shy and kept to himself, but he was generally well-liked. He did OK at his academics and graduated from Lisbon HS.

Shane had kids as a young man

Shane met Trish, his then girlfriend and future mother of his children, in high school – she was two years his junior. When he graduated in 1993, she was still in school and was pregnant. They ended up moving into an apartment together, and stayed in a long-term relationship for about ten years and had two children.

His mom remembered him struggling with being a young man and having the responsibility of raising two daughters. He had a long-time job working in the construction industry installing insulation and was there financially for his family.

His younger daughter, daughter, Shana, remembered that he would always get them out of the house and off their butts to do hiking and fishing and other outdoor adventures on the weekends. In school, he would always help them with their art projects, and if they ever had car trouble, he was their first call.

Importance of hiking and nature

Though Shane would often take his family hiking to share his passion for the outdoors, he often would go by himself. He had some favorite trails around Maine, and most of them were centered around the Appalachian Trail. There was a book that he consulted to find the next high point he could bag and showcase on his Facebook feed. He would take detailed notes in a journal that he would bring with him on his hikes.

He and his brother had plans to hike the full Appalachian Trail!

Struggle with depression

In around 2005, Shane and Trish split up for good. Shane dated a little bit and then found Kelly, the next love of his life. Shane and Kelly got married and were together until about 2012, when they got divorced.

Despite Shane’s many responsibilities – to his two daughters, to their children, to his different romantic partners, he felt like there was something missing.

He had been diagnosed with depression, and in his 40’s, he told his mom that he looked back on his life and felt like it had been a waste.

A quote that resonated with him, “Not all those who wander are lost”, he amended, with “… Or are they?” that betrays his inner struggle with purpose and meaning.

His mom felt like he was always looking for something, and she didn’t think he ever found it.

Shane met Heather and get married

Shane never gave up on love and found Heather through their mutual enjoyment of whitewater rafting, and after dating for a while, he decided to move in with her at her family’s place in Rome, Maine, just west of Waterville.

They were together for a total of about 5-6 years, and were married for the final 2. They had a small ceremony for the wedding, and on Shane’s side, only his mom and his sister attended. Marianne remembered it as a happy ceremony.

Divorce looms

The honeymoon phase, though, was short-lived.

At some point, he stopped taking his regular medication that was prescribed for his mental health issues in order to pay for Heather’s. They couldn’t afford both, so he chose to support his wife.

Things were rocky, and Heather wanted her own space, so Shane moved out and they became separated. He moved back in with his mom in Windsor with his new dog, Paige, that he had gotten around June of 2018.

His mom remembered what a blessing it was for Shane to be staying with her. She said he helped to take care of lots of little things around the house and instilled in her a confidence that she could handle some of those things on her own when he was gone.

Heather heads to Alaska

Though things were going well living with his mom, Shane and Heather were still on the rocks, and Heather took an extended trip to Alaska to be near her mom, who lived there.

After Heather returned, she began floating the idea of her moving of Alaska more permanently. Things were winding down between them.

Heather wanted to file for divorce, so Shane readied the papers, but when it came time to finalize it, Heather backed out.

Shane felt like he had failed again, and Angela had some insight into how important it was for Shane to have a partner. She knew that he felt incomplete without a long-term relationship, and he was pretty depressed about having yet another failed relationship.

His mom encouraged him to go to a psychiatrist to help treat his depression. That visit never happened.

August 24th, 2018

On Saturday, August 24th, 2018, Shane’s mom and his sister and her kids all went on a trip to Florida - to Disneyworld. Shane agreed to watch his mom’s animals at the house. That same weekend, Shana had big plans, too - she was moving.

He agreed to take her children (his grandkids) for the weekend, initially planning to only take them Saturday and Sunday, but he ended up taking them on Monday morning as well.

After he dropped off the kids Monday afternoon, he went over to Heather’s to confront her about something.

According to her account to police, he was waiting for her when she got home and had had a couple of beers. He was rolling cigarettes on his green Subaru. He suspected that she might be poisoning his dog, Paige, and he told her as much. She denied it, saying that his dog and her dog both ate out of the same bowl. They continued arguing. She got the mail from the mailbox and saw some that had been addressed to him, which she threw at him. She also threw a glass mason jar at him which shattered on the pavement.

It was at this point that she said that he put his Beretta .45 caliber handgun to his head, and pulled the trigger.

Police and EMS arrive

Heather got his cell phone from his pocket – the only working nearby cell – and called 9-1-1. The operator dispatched assistance from both EMS as well as the police. While on the phone with the operator, Heather heard gurgling and it appeared that he was struggling to breathe. The call’s transcript implies that he was on his back, making it easy for blood to pool in his throat, so she rolled him to his side to try and help clear his airways. She got some paper towels from inside and applied pressure to the wound, hoping to stem the bleeding, but there was a tremendous amount of blood. She stayed on the phone with the 9-1-1 operator until first responders arrived.

Within a short time, approximately 10 minutes, Officer Boudreau, a deputy with the Kennebec County Sheriff’s Department, arrived on scene. Boudreau found Shane lying face down on the ground near the northeast corner of the property. He ran over to Shane and found his right cheek to the pavement, his eyes looking out over the driveway. The gun was about 2 feet from his legs. Boudreau grabbed the gun, checked to see if it had any live rounds (it didn’t), and put it in the back of his cruiser. Oddly, there was no magazine in the gun, and there was a report of only a single round fired, so that meant that there was just one round in the chamber before it was discharged.

EMS arrived, and loaded him immediately onto a stretcher and brought him to Maine General Hospital in Augusta.

Police question Heather and investigate

In the meantime, Boudreau interviewed Heather. In addition to the details of their afternoon, Heather told him that they were splitting up, and that she was moving to Alaska. Her flight was booked for the beginning of September – only a week or two away.

She also explained that Shane had put a gun to his head multiple times before, and said that the gun was in his left hand as he faced the stairs on the front of the porch.

Another officer, Sergeant Dutil, arrived, and they spent over an hour looking for the spent shell casing but were unable to locate it. After taking some photographs, Boudreau used the garden hose to clean the blood off the rocks and then they left together.

Shane had been stabilized in Augusta and was transferred to Portland by helicopter immediately following.

News of the gunshot begins to travel

Shana had missed some phone calls from her dad, but when the phone rang again, her mom answered it and it was Heather breaking the news about Shane. She called her Aunt, Angela (Shane’s sister), and Shane’s mom Marianne in Florida to let them know. They tried to get back that night, but it was impossible - no commercial flights were available.

By 10:00PM, Trish, Shana, and his younger brother Chris had all gathered at Portland Hospital to see Shane. He was unconscious and unresponsive.

At 12:55AM that night, they made the decision to end life support, and Shane was pronounced dead.

Aftermath

The next morning Marianne and Angela got flights back from Florida to Maine, unfortunately too late to see Shane alive. The arrangements surrounding his death were already underway.

Because Heather was still his legal spouse, she was in charge of many of the decisions following his death. She had a crematory take his body right away.

The family contacted Heather to find out her intentions with his ashes, and she told them where she had had it done, and if they wanted his ashes, they could go and pay for them and retrieve them.

Forensic examination, revelation about entry wound

Medical examiner Michael Eng did a visual examination of Shane and prepared a report. The report indicated that there were two skin wounds on Shane’s head that corresponded with skull damage underneath. One of the wounds was at the right temple and irregularly shaped and quite large – approximately 1.75” X 1”. The other was a small round wound in the middle of the left eyebrow. He determined that the entry wound was at the right temple through the presence of sooty stippling on the edge of the wound. He classified the distance between the gun and the skin as the closest possible category – perhaps touching the skull or within just an inch.

Though perhaps physically possible, it is extremely unlikely that Shane could have used his left hand to shoot himself in the right temple with a high caliber handgun. This revelation changed everything for the Cheetham family. Everything that they had been told so far was based upon the premise that Shane had used his left hand, but now they had discovered that it was a virtual impossibility. If Shane had did die by suicide, the examiner’s report strongly implied that he used his right hand to do it. This conflicted with both Boudreau’s assessment of the wound as well as Heather’s account of seeing him do it.

Angela thought that perhaps the police hadn’t realized this discrepancy, and so she called Deputy Boudreau to bring it to his attention. Things got a little heated.

Angela then called Boudreau’s boss, Sergeant Mills, and he looked into the case. Mills reviewed the ME’s report and discussed it with other government officials: an investigator at the medical examiner’s office, and a detective at the state police, but he still ruled it a suicide, and kept the case closed.

Shane’s sister digs into the police records

Angela wasn’t satisfied, so she kept digging. She tried to get copies of the police reports from the Kennebec County Sheriff’s Office.

Angela was frustrated and hitting a dead end and nearly gave up when, through dumb luck, she made contact with someone who could really help – a guy named Mark Babitz who moonlighted as a private detective.

She finally got copies of the police reports from the Sheriff’s office. It was in these reports that she learned about the final moments of Shane’s life. In the report, Heather said that he had put a gun to his head multiple times prior and compared it to “a boy who cries wolf.” It was reported that Shane’s final words were “there’s one more in the chamber” and pulled the trigger.

The next thing she was after was photos from the crime scene. She had initially tried to get these from the Medical Examiner’s Office, to no avail, so she tried getting them from the police department.

Though she was unable to get the crime scene photos, after careful review of what she did have, she felt like it was enough to reach out to the Maine State Police to see if they would reopen the investigation. Per the recommendation from the Maine Cold Case Alliance, she sent everything to Colonel John Cote, commanding officer of the Maine State Police. He responded promptly and Ryan Brockway, a state police detective, called her the next day. They have since questioned Heather and her father, and it’s not clear whether the investigation of the case is officially reopened or if it remains classified as a suicide.

In the state of Maine, 9-1-1 calls are part of the public record, but you cannot get the audio – only a written transcript. Angela got the transcript of Heather’s initial call to 9-1-1 at 6:33PM the afternoon of Shane’s death, which confirmed some things and raised some new questions.

Shane’s ashes scattered

Though Shane’s life had ended, there was still the question of what to do with his physical remains. The crematorium had reduced Shane’s body to a one-gallon Ziplock bag of ashes. His family retrieved them and considered, for a year, how to carry out Shane’s final wish.

He had requested that his ashes be scattered on the top of Avery Peak (Bigelow Preserve, near Stratton, ME). Angela had a medical condition that would prevent her from climbing the peak, and so she reached out to the Maine Hiking Facebook Group and found a couple of willing volunteers who graciously took his ashes to the peak and put him to rest.

The deeper meaning of hiking

The mountain where his ashes were scattered is named after Myron Avery, a man whose passion as a defender and champion of the Appalachian Trail saved it from oblivion in the face of overwhelming forces: The Great Depression and the Second World War. Avery, though he had a full-time career as a lawyer, spent virtually all of his free time working to maintain, develop, and connect the network of trails that would ultimately run from Shenandoah to Mt Katahdin. For decades, his bold personality and vision for the future galvanized thousands of volunteers to take up his cause and fight for the trail.

Shane had planned to hike the full Appalachian Trail with his brother, Chris: a huge ambition. We found at least a dozen different photos he took and posted on Facebook that showcase the iconic AT logo or a signpost with the words Appalachian Trail.

Though Shane would often take his “meatballs”, go hiking with his daughters, or with his brother, Shane would often hike by himself. And he would post pictures of nature, of vistas, of peak markers, of trail signs to his Facebook profile, saying to the world, “I was here”. Perhaps he was sharing his passion with his friends; or maybe he was showcasing his accomplishment of bagging another peak. But I would wager that there was something deeper at work. According to his mother, he had an extensive knowledge of nature – an ability to identify plants, mushrooms, trees – to anticipate changes in the weather, and that he would take detailed notes along the trail about his experience.

Shane found solace in hiking. He found rejuvenation. He found purpose.

Something about the pristine beauty of the forest uplifted Shane in a way that the rest of his life did not.

I’d like to close this story with a quote from Myron Avery, and find a little bit of Shane in your heart when you take your next hike in the woods.

"To those who would see the Maine wilderness, tramp day by day through a succession of ever delightful forest, past lake and stream, and over mountains, we would say: Follow the Appalachian Trail across Maine. It cannot be followed on horse or awheel. Remote for detachment, narrow for chosen company, winding for leisure, lonely for contemplation, it beckons not merely north and south but upward to the body, mind and soul of man."

If you or somebody you know are currently struggling with thoughts of suicide or self harm, help is available 24/7. Please call the national suicide prevention hotline at 800-273-8255.

Your life is important, and you matter.

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Sources For This Episode

Newspaper Articles

No newspaper coverage of this case

Online written sources

None

Official documents

Police report, Kennebec County Sheriff’s office (Augusta, ME)

Investigative Report, Office of the Chief Medical Examiner (Augusta, ME)

9-1-1 Transcript, Department of Public Safety (Augusta, ME)

Photo Sources

Photos primarily from Shana, Angela, and Shane Cheetham’s memorial Facebook account here.

Interviews

Marianne Tyler (Shane’s mother)

Angela Cheetham (Shane’s sister)

Shana Cheetham (Shane’s daughter)

Credits

Created, researched, written, told, and edited by Kristen Seavey

Research, writing, photo editing support by Byron Willis